If you’re a podcast person and are looking for something new to listen to, please check out Small Town Murder and Crime in Sports. They’re both done by the same two guys, James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman, who are f**king hilarious. Crime in Sports covers people with crazy promising sports careers who throw them away on drugs / murder / idiocy. Like, crazy 19 year old kid who can throw a 105-mph fastball and gets into a fight in a dive bar and destroys his shoulder. That type of s**t. Small Town Murder is exactly that… deep dive into a murder that happens in some hick middle of nowhere town. Always ridiculous, and always has insane players involved.

Crime in Sports is my favorite of the two, honestly, mostly because the format of Small Town Murder is a little more structured where Crime in Sports is less so, and allows them to riff and be that much more freestyle and ridiculous. Like I said, they’re f**king hilarious and I love hearing them bulls**t and do what they do best. Small Town Murder is the more popular of the two, so try them out and see what you dig.

We’ve been listening on the long drive we have over the next couple of weeks, and recently we chose a Small Town Murder case in Nashville, MI. Yes, Nashville… Michigan. On top of that, there are a bunch of towns around there that just steal their names from other places too. Vermontville. Bellevue. Charlotte. You get it.

I don’t really know how to explain the plot of the episode… essentially, some people have a nephew, then the mom of that nephew (their sister) meets a guy who legit just tried to be a good dude and be a father to the kid… and they don’t like that so they murder him. Just listen to it, they explain it way more humorously and accurately than I do.

The more pertinent point is that the town the events take place, Nashville, has an amazing ice cream place. SO… realizing this town was only an hour out of the way to our campsite in northern Michigan… yeah, we made a stop. It’s a cow farm… and it’s called Moo-ville Creamery. Because obviously. And f**k yeah, it’s delicious.

There was a whole petting zoo with baby goats, sheep, alpacas, bunnies, chickens, and obviously… cows. Because there’s nothing I want with my ice cream more than the smell of farm animals. That being said… f**king great ice cream. You know how REAL ice cream is sweet without being that artificial sugary sweet? No? Then you haven’t had real ice cream because that’s what it f**king tastes like.

Moving along…

This stop is a product of our overall move back west, but we are finding the best of everywhere we go, and in this area that would be Mackinac Island. You can only get there by ferry, and one of the lines has a few morning rides that go around and through Mackinac Bridge. This bridge connects the main glove thingy of Michigan and the Upper Peninsula. It’s also like 5 miles long and theoretically shouldn’t be possible. It took one crazy bastard to be like “yeah, we can do it” to get it done. The Elon Musk of the 1950’s basically.

Mackinac Island is this island with zero motorized vehicles, and almost everyone travels around the island on bikes. Except the people riding around in a horse drawn carriage. Or walking. That’s literally all you see on the entire island.

The ferry drops you off on the south end of the island, so we started northeast to Arch Rock. Which is… a rock… with an arch in it. We had to fight through a crowd of tourists to get a picture of it, which I hated. But I figured if we’re going to Arches and Yellowstone and all these mainstream tourist spots later in the summer we should probably get used to it.

Then we tracked up the east coast of the island, looped around the north end and down the west coast down to British Landing which is what you would think… a spot where the British… landed… in the War of 1812. The amazing part of the story is that the guy in charge for the Americans didn’t get word that the war had even started, so when the British showed up the Americans were caught so off guard the general just straight up surrendered so they didn’t just sacrifice a bunch of people for an inevitable loss. More to come on that guy…

Past that, the general theme of the island is… ROCKS. From what I learned, the water level was once way way higher around the island, and most of the island was underwater. Once the water receded the softer limestone eroded away and there are a bunch of harder limestone rock formations just sticking out like a sore thumb all over the place. This one is Cave of the Woods. Which… yeah, okay… accurate name I guess.

Next is Sugar Loaf which… yeah, is a big rock. Same deal.

This is Skull Cave which sounds awesome, but… yeah, another rock.

Now there are two forts on the island. Below is Fort Holmes, named after an American general who died in a battle. It’s at the highest point of the island, and has the best views around the island that I got zero pictures of.

So… there’s a Fort Mackinac at a lower point in the island which I also got zero pictures of. The British came in around 1812 on the aforementioned British Landing and took over the island with the American general just bending over and waving the white flag. In anticipation of a similar American attack, the British built a fort on the very top of the island and named it Fort George.

Now the Americans charged the guy who just straight gave up when the Brits showed up with “cowardice.” Logical to me. While the guy is hanging out imprisoned at Fort Detroit, the British attack it. The dude is just standing around and is struck by a British cannonball and F**KING DECAPITATED. WHAT?!?!? F**king ridiculous. Lieutenant Porter Hanks, look it up.

The Americans tried to retake the island in 1814, but failed. They tried to follow the same path the British took in 1812 but they were like, “yeah… we know this movie. Also, we built a whole fort to deal with this.” Once the War of 1812 ended the Americans took over the island and renamed it from Fort George to Fort Holmes, in honor of the leader on the failed attempt to retake it. Then they let it go to s**t until Michigan was like “we got this” and then we showed up and took a picture of it. The end.

Once we got done and came back to the “city” we realized that between 10am and 3pm a whole s**t ton of people showed up and the streets were stupid crowded. Even if you told us there was no chance we’d catch anything walking around here, we’d still be freaking out being surrounded by so many people. It’s just the mentality we’ve developed in this mess. We’ve gone from “no one gives a shit” to “everyone gives a shit” and now back to “no one gives a shit” and it’s a goddamn mindf**k. We cannot walk by a person without a mask without immediately thinking “OH SHIT WE HAVE COVID NOW.” And when no one is wearing a mask it’s like a movie where someone’s out to assassinate you and you don’t know who it is.

It was packed. And any thought of grabbing a spot at a restaurant was out the window. So we went back to mainland to find a less touristy spot.

We got back and resumed our quest for food. The first place we went was a s**t show. First off, we pulled into the parking lot to see a group of about 20 walking in, all without masks. Then we walked in and were greeted with a hostess… with a mask around their neck. Then we took a peek at the room, and it was packed with people back to back and belly to belly (damn I miss Yankees baseball). We just turned around a walked out. F**k that.

Listen, I agree with the idea that the government should not be able to dictate something like wearing masks. They shouldn’t. I totally agree with you. I’m a strong believer in personal responsibility in this world. However, I ABSOLUTELY F**KING hate the fact that people don’t wear them. And I assure you those two are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes the government can request something that is actually the right thing to do for your fellow human. And doing it is not sacrificing your freedoms. It’s being a citizen. Obstinate defiance of the government despite logic and reason doesn’t help anyone, most of all you. Wearing a mask in public to make a little old lady feel safe while she’s shopping for groceries is not a defeat. I promise.

Anyways, later we found out that the county Mackinac Island is in has had a grand total of 8 cases and zero deaths. So… okay, maybe I should chill. But maybe I’m right in my paranoia. Regardless, we bounced out of tourist no mask town and went to Bière de Mac Brew Works, a place with good social distancing, an awesome staff all wearing masks, and great beer and food. Good on you guys. We will patronize establishments we feel are acting in a responsible way. That’s our right as American citizens, right?

TL;DR If Jenny and Chris get sick in 2-14 days, it’s because of the Michigan idiot who decided to sit behind them on the ferry and hack up a lung. F**ker.

I’m 36 years old, I grew up in New York, and I just went to western New York for the first time in my life.

When you grow up on Long Island, you call literally everything north of the Bronx “upstate New York.” You kinda just lump together anything not Long Island or “the city” into one huge entity. Like, it’s just one big ass farm and everyone from Long Island picks a different section to go to college.

Our buddy Jack (born and raised in the Buffalo area) was in town for some family business the exact same time we were rolling through, so we coordinated the campsite and met up on Tuesday evening. Ate some barbecue, drank some beers, met some of the family, and made plans to head out to Buffalo the next day.

Bright and early at 11am we headed out. Not before the kitties apparently questioned their entire existence when Jack sat in my recliner for some coffee.

Like I said, I had never been to western NY, and as much as I hate touristy crap, some things just need to be crossed off the list. So, Niagara Falls was the first stop. Learned that the better view is from the Canadian side, which was obviously a no-go for us. Also learned that the town of Niagara Falls, NY is far s**tier than the town of Niagara Falls, Canada. Didn’t get to see the Canada side, but having driven through the US side… yeah… yeah, I’d believe it.

Next we drove back to Buffalo, and walked along the Buffalo River through Canalside. There are a couple of battleships docked there for no particular reason, but they were pretty cool. Stopped at Liberty Hound for some drinks and to absolutely BAKE in the sun.

After that we drove over to Buffalo Riverworks on the other side of the river. And this place… was… AWESOME. First off, it’s in this grain manufacturing part of town so it’s got a cool industrial vibe. Second, it’s f**king TREMENDOUS, and all I could think about was how cool it would be to play in a band there. Like Xfinity Live in Philly. Or a place up in Connecticut I played once or twice that I don’t remember the name. I want to say Toad’s, but that feels wrong. “Big ass music venue in Connecticut.” We’ll run with that.

EDIT: Tuxedo Junction… I remembered!!! It was in Danbury, CT and closed in 2013. I can’t explain to you how f**king happy I am right now, that would have driven me insane.

Third, the patio is right on the little canal so we were able to watch everyone coming up and down on their jetskis / yachts / kayaks / canoes / whatevers. So we sat out there and had a few drinks. The craft beer was… meh. Our second round was a downshift to Labatt Blue Light and I have no regrets.

There was a single guy and his dog just going up and down in his boat just begging for attention… like the combo of his oozing sex appeal, cute dog, and motorboat was going to make the hot women rip their clothes off and jump in the water to chase him down. Note: that did not happen.

There was a boat full of like 15 very f**kboy looking guys with no shirts on and about 3 women. Then you figure two of the women were probably dating guys on the boat, so it’s just 10+ horny men and one poor woman dealing with idiot guys all goddamn day.

Million dollar yachts… and some guy who just revved his engine for about 20 minutes because he didn’t get hugged as a kid and desperately needed everyone at the bar to look at him and his large penis boat. Who needs live music when you have rich people showing off how much better than you they think they are!?! All the entertainment you need.

After all that, we headed back to the campsite for dinner and bedtime where we caught sunset across Lake Erie.

So now we’re in northern Michigan, and it’s been… interesting. Full story will be our next post, plus an interesting stop on the way up. But for now, it’s suffice to say living in the section of the country that was the epicenter of a pandemic and then moving to a county that has had 8 cases has been wildly confusing.

This might be the first post with more pictures of actual human beings than landscapes.

We finally left New Hampshire and began our crawl across New York State. We got to our Plattsburgh campsite Friday afternoon and promptly started drinking.

First stop was Oval Craft Brewing for some drinks with their outdoor seating. When I went in to close out I noticed a young couple at the far end of the bar. A few seconds later out of nowhere, and to no one in particular, the guy just goes, “yeah, we were supposed to be getting married tomorrow… so, you know…” At which point everyone in the room went “awwwwwwwww!” Talked with them a little bit, they have been together for 9 years, engaged for 3 of them, and their wedding was supposed to be the next day. So clearly I bought them a round and wished them luck.

When I walked out I had the sudden realization that they could have been completely full of s**t. Seemed like a ridiculous plot line, but it was entirely possible the guy was just aiming for some free drinks. However, when we left a few minutes later I saw them at a huge table with what was obviously a bunch of parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. And I realized they were most likely being treated by family the evening before what would have been one of the greatest days of their life. Made me very happy and very sad all at the same time.

Next we went over to Valcour Brewing Company which was right down the road. The brewery is located in what are called The Old Stone Barracks, which is a building with a very cool history, and one Jenny had seen a million times in her time up there but never knew what it was. Unfortunately, it was pretty much a bust on all levels.

Started off well, put in an order for food and drinks, grabbed our beers and went to go sit out in the sunshine. They put a bunch of tables and chairs out on the adjacent field, along with a speaker playing some music.

Downhill pretty quick after that. Sun ducked behind some clouds, wind picked up, and we suddenly found ourselves freezing. Next, the beer was… not great. I wish I could express to you how much it takes me to say I don’t like a beer. Even beers I don’t particularly like I’ll still be like, “it’s good, just not my style.” That being said… I did not like this beer. And not just my beer, I tried Jenny’s (didn’t like it), bought a different one for the second round (didn’t like it), then grabbed yet another in a growler for the camper (like that one least of all).

I’m not an expert on beer by any stretch, but when you drink beer as consistently as I do, you know what’s good and bad. Hell, I bought this domain name thinking I was gonna start a beer blog. (In my defense… I was drunk. On beer. Obviously.)

Back to the story, on top of that, it took an hour and half for our food to come out. A burger and a sandwich. Hour and a half. At a restaurant running at half capacity. Really guys?

So that wasn’t great. But we still had fun. Because that’s what we do.

The next day we drove back out for a day in Vermont where we hiked a trail to a summit called Devil’s Gulch. It was a cooler day, probably low to mid 50’s, and I assumed I wouldn’t be sweating that much. I wore a cotton T-shirt and a heavy sweatshirt. And within about 3 minutes I was SWEATING MY ASS OFF because I am so fat and out of shape and full of the previously mentioned beer residue. Even worse, my undershirt was so soaked in sweat that I couldn’t take the sweatshirt off… but the sweatshirt was making me that much hotter and make me sweat that much more. So just a horrible downward spiral. Needless to say, I was extremely damp by the end of it.

After that we went to Foam Brewers in Burlington, VT where one of Jenny’s buddies, Bob(by)*, is an owner. We knew we’d get some special treatment walking around with the boss, but holy crap… the men and women who work at that brewery are the S**T. We had some drinks and Jenny and Bob(by)* were able to catch up.

They have a sister restaurant next door, and after our hike we were understandably hungry, so we ordered some food. I got a burger, naturally, and Jenny got a chicken sandwich. According to Jenny, it is the best thing she’s eaten on this trip so far.

JUST TO REVIEW… we’ve been all across this country. We’ve eaten po-boys in New Orleans, we’ve had southwest Mexican food, we’ve had lobster in Maine… and the chicken sandwich at Deep City in Burlington, VT is the best thing she’s had so far. That’s saying a f**k ton.

Unfortunately Bob(by)* and his girlfriend Ally had to bounce for a dinner date, but we stuck around for another round. Before we left we wanted to PURCHASE some swag. I finally had a chance to buy a trucker hat, and Jenny wanted a T-shirt… plus we wanted to bring some beers home.

When we asked to PURCHASE the above items, we were told by Ainsley, the very kickass bartender, that he was under strict orders to not allow us to pay for anything. UGHHH. You guys are too awesome. Thank you all.

So we walked out with the trucker hat, the T-shirt, and upon asking for a couple of six packs we received four 4-pack pints of beer and a 6-pack of the normal 12oz cans.

Once again, huge thank you to the boys and girls at Foam Brewers. We’ll spread the word of great beer across this great nation. And to everyone else, if you find yourself in northern Vermont at any point, do yourself a favor and stop by for some awesome food and beer.

*Jenny (and I assume everyone from SUNY Plattsburgh) called him “Bobby.” He started a career, became a boss, and now everyone calls him “Bob” which was absolutely ridiculous to Jenny. Who**, by the way, everyone from college calls “Jen”… which is absolutely ridiculous to me. So… ummm… where was I?

** Who or whom? I screw up “it’s” and “its” all the time, but this one I legit don’t know. I actually think it’s “whom” but you don’t want to be wrong that way, right? Like, overthink it and sound stupid trying to pretend you’re actually smart. Ughhh… I should have stayed in school.

The next day we took a hike up to Poke-O-Moonshine Mountain (actual name), a place Jenny had run/hiked back in college. After which we met more buddies from college, Nicole and Ted, for an awesome dinner and drinks. They both went to Plattsburgh and ran with Jenny, ended up getting married, buying a house and popping out a couple of kids. American dream as much as you can imagine one. On top of that, they’re awesome people.

The next day was Jenny’s 33rd birthday, and we spent it walking around Plattsburgh campus and recapping her four years there. I had been to Plattsburgh a few times for various alumni related events… the aforementioned Nicole and Ted’s wedding, a visit with their first baby, and dinner with… well, yeah, Nicole and Ted. So I had never actually VISITED Plattsburgh.

First, I learned about Michigans. Red hots. Whatever you call them, they are hot dogs with mustard, onions, and red meat sauce. They’re delicious, and apparently a total Plattsburgh thing. We pulled a Geno’s/Pat’s debate and tried two places across the street from each other to see which was best. First was Clare and Carl’s Hot Dog Stand…

Followed by McSweeney’s Red Hots (apparently I purposefully told Jenny not to take a picture, and I have no idea why I did that… my bad, but I can say they basically looked the same)

VERDICT: McSweeney’s Red Hots… they sauteed the onions with the meat sauce, so the whole thing worked that little bit better together.

After that we walked around Plattsburgh campus where I got to see the various buildings I’ve heard a million and two stories about over the past ten years. We grabbed ice cream, ate some pizza, took a walk down by the river… great day. She had never been to Boston, and I was able to show her around. I had never (really) been to Plattsburgh and she was able to show me around. So some nice symmetry there.

Tuesday morning we drove out to western NY. I was planning on including our time there in this post, but this just took me about ALL DAY to type out because I’m drunk and I may already be drunk honestly… what?!? Seriously, did you not read that we got like 328 oz of free beer? (check it… my math is probably good) The Shining by Foam is 8% ABV and tastes F**KING DELICIOUS. So there will be a second post to record our awesome days out here.

We leave for Mackinac Island in northern Michigan, another step in our road trip back west. In a week from now we’ll be in North Dakota, so them wheels are a-turnin’. Stay tuned.

I’ve been in New Hampshire since May 5th. Jenny was down in New York for a good chunk of it, but relative to how much we’ll be moving around over the next few months, May has been an absolute standstill. Before the virus hit, the original plan was putting the camper in storage and staying together in New York for the month of May, but plans had to change when New York became the epicenter of everything through April. So we’re doing more than originally planned and I’m still getting antsy.

That being said, we’ve done our best still getting out and exploring. I always had the idea of escaping for a little mini-adventure within this much bigger adventure. A sub-adventure. An adventure within an adventure… wrapped in an adventure. Some Inception s**t for sure.

We went on a hike last week with Jenny’s buddy Sean, who strongly encouraged a visit out to Acadia National Park on the coast of Maine. Combined with my long standing desire to see a good sunrise, we pulled the trigger on a drive out east.

We headed out sans camper on Tuesday morning for a 4.5 hour drive out to Acadia. We were given the explicit instructions to do the Beehive Trail, and it did not disappoint. It’s a short hike, but there are hand rails set in the face of the cliffs and you basically climb the side of the mountain. I took one picture of Jenny climbing, but she didn’t like how she looked and it must remain unpublished. But you get to the top, and the view over the islands around Acadia is simply f**king amazing. One of those views that just don’t seem real. It was like looking over a fantasy world with wizards and goblins and… I don’t know, Jenny kept making Lord of the Rings references that I didn’t understand, but you get the point. Narnia, Middle Earth, Neverland… take your pick.

The last time I had the feeling was the Grand Canyon. It’s just so beyond an every day view you almost can’t process it. Especially considering the physical effort it takes to get there, it was a great experience.

Next we headed north on the trail (you don’t go down the way you came up… that would be nuts going down that) to The Bowl, which is this little lake set in the middle of the woods.

Then we headed south through the woods toward Gorham Mountain which gave us some more views around the park. It’s further down one of the peninsulas, so you’re almost surrounded by awesome views of the water.

We headed back towards the eastern coast to hike back to the car along the rocky water’s edge.

The parking lot is right next to a little beach, so when we got back we decided to dip our feet in and cool off a bit. I convinced Jenny to leave the phones in the truck, and immediately regretted it once I saw the view from the beach. Even more when we realized there were a bunch of cute dogs surrounding us. And MOST OF ALL when we saw a young couple with a puppy Corgi trying to get her used to the water.

First of all, the water was f**king freezing, so I’m not sure it was the best time or place to do it. The woman would pick the Corgi up and cradle her like a baby. Then she’d slowly start crouching down to dip her back legs into the water. And the lower and lower she got, the higher and higher the puppy would start climbing up the woman’s body. Just absolute panic hanging on to her arms and legs for dear life. I swear we thought the dog was going to end up balancing on this woman’s head by the time this was over. It was semi successful endeavor for that couple, but absolutely hilarious for this one, watching this dog do everything in her power to stay out of the water.

At this point we decided to walk around Bar Harbor a little bit before checking in at the campsite. We grabbed a beer to celebrate our hike at Bar Harbor Lobster Co. where we were able to sit out on the sunny patio and enjoy our drinks. We also walked past a pastry shop and decided to grab a cookie for the road.

You know those things that literally everyone knows but somehow you missed that day of school? For example, you know the Burger King logo? I never realized that was a burger until I was WAY too old. Jenny’s sister (I won’t say which one to protect the innocent) never knew pickles were just pickled cucumbers. Stuff like that.

I was yesterday years old when I learned that macarons and macaroons are not the same thing. I literally thought Americans were just being typical stupid Americans and added an “o” just to be dicks. I mean, it’s not the wildest theory. We just decided to drop “u”s from British words, maybe we just decided to add “o”s to French ones?

But no… I’m just dumb. So I thought I was getting a macaron (which I love) and I instead got a macaroon (which I hate). Lesson learned, and now I can never make that mistake ever again.

We also walked by Ivy Manor Inn which had a little outside bar and garden you could sit outside, so we obviously grabbed another drink and did just that. It felt very European for some reason, so we went with a British beer.

We grabbed some beer for the campsite, and headed out there to clean ourselves up a bit for dinner. In our walk we saw a restaurant on the water with people out on the patio having dinner. Cool, we thought, let’s do that. No biggie.

We got back to Bar Harbor and took our seats on the patio. As soon as we sat down, we realized it had been THREE MONTHS since we were last out to eat. The last time was March 15th at Superior Seafood in New Orleans. And we immediately realized how much we missed it. We had convinced ourselves that carry-out and curbside was just as good, but… no. Just, no. We have no problem making such an insignificant sacrifice for the good of everyone else, but when you have it back… MAN did it feel good.

We still found ourselves unconsciously leaning away from the server whenever he came over, as if those extra three inches was going to make or break anything. But it didn’t feel like we were doing anything risky. I’m generally paranoid about… well, everything… and I didn’t feel at all nervous about it. The next table was a good 10-15 feet away, our server was masked, and we were outside on the very windy coast.

If we end up feeling ill over the next few days, I wouldn’t consider any point of our walk around Bar Harbor as when we caught it. I think Bar Harbor (and Maine in general I would assume) as handling it very wisely. Be smart, wear masks, stay away from people, and we can have some nice things again.

SIDE NOTE: Arizona is spiking in cases. BIGLY. If you’ve read past posts, you’ve heard us comment on how the people in Arizona were NOT doing the above things. To the point we were semi shocked when we left the area and saw how serious other parts of the country were taking it. So as you read about cases spiking there, just know that. And I’m not saying people in Arizona are purposefully irresponsible. I’m saying their timeline screwed them and set up a false sense of security. Think about it…

Step 1 – Pandemic starts, your area doesn’t get hit

Step 2 – Your state shuts everything down, but still… not many cases

Step 3 – Pandemic starts to calm down, your state starts opening back up… still not many cases

Step 4 – You haven’t worn a mask, haven’t socially distanced for months and now it’s ending. Still not many cases. AKA yay, woo, we beat it!

Step 5 – Watch the numbers in your state go through the roof.

After dinner we headed back to the campsite for a little bit of sleep. We brought our tent and sleeping bags, but in the end decided to just sleep in the truck. Was it comfortable? No. No it was not. But, we laid down around 10pm and were leaving 2am, so f**k it. This way we didn’t have to try and pack up a tent in the pitch black.

We drove another two hours east to the easternmost point of the continental U.S., West Quoddy Head. We originally were going to hike up Cadillac Mountain in Acadia which I was led to believe is where the sunlight actually hits first. This way we could say we were the first people to see sunrise that day. However, this is only the case from October to March. This time of year that point is actually Mars Hill apparently. Since that was the only real reason we were going to try and hike in the middle of the night and risk dying / serious bodily injury, and Mars Hill was a 3.5 hour drive away, we decided to just say we went to the easternmost part of the country. We plan on going to the westernmost point of the U.S. when we head to the west coast towards the end of the summer, so we’ll be able to say we saw sunrise in the east-est east, sunset in the west-est west, and everything in between. Which I think is pretty cool.

From there we drove back to Bar Harbor, grabbed some breakfast, coffee, and gas and headed back to New Hampshire. Jenny was able to nap on the ride, but I was running on less than six hours of sleep over two days. Needless to say, I slept well last night.

It’s rainy and s**tty today, so another laundry day. Tomorrow I finally leave New Hampshire! We head to Plattsburgh to see Jenny’s college territory, visit some old friends, and drink in their breweries. Seriously, one of her friends owns a brewery in northern Vermont. Super psyched.

In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors, since all men are equal, but he does not admit that he has no social inferiors, for, from the time of Jefferson onward, the doctrine that all men are equal applies only upwards, not downwards.

Bertrand Russell

I usually wait until the end of the post to decide what fun title to apply. Usually some humorous / ironic / sarcastic phrase pops into my head and I run with it. I’m listening to some classic rock while I think this post through, and if you Google the phrase “stand up and be counted”, it comes up with “to make one’s opinions or beliefs publicly known especially when such action may cause trouble.” I think that pretty much nails it. So…

For those about to rock… WE SALUTE YOU.

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So where do I begin? I guess the beginning, right?

Since the last post, this little guy came and said hello to everyone.

Jenny stayed for another week to help the new parents, and drove back to the camper along with her sister. Although the campground was technically in New Hampshire, it extended over the state line and our camper was actually located in Massachusetts. So f**k you MA, you canceled all my sites and I STILL got in.

Nessa hung out for a couple of days before heading back, and we were able to get a hike of Maudslay State Park.

We decided to head back to Fox’s Lobster House up in York, ME… a place I tried to go to on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and had to abort when it was way too busy. Not surprisingly, on a colder, foggy Tuesday afternoon it was far more reasonable.

Verdict: very good, but Two Lights was better. And no imitation crab to be found.

After that, we stuck to exploring Massachusetts. Since we were headed back north next, getting in as much of the shoreline as we could seemed the reasonable plan.

First stop was Salem and some downtown street art…

…a walking tour with some historic and interesting sites…

…some sites from Hocus Pocus…

…and Forest River Park.

We also drove down to Wellesley to see Jenny’s high school buddy Chris (no pictures taken because we are dumb and forgot), and out to Gloucester to meet her other high school buddy Sean for a hike.

Next, we went downtown Boston and I finally showed her my old stomping grounds around Back Bay, through the Common, downtown, North End… I mean, pretty much everywhere.

But we ended up not taking really any pictures. Not because we forgot, as per the usual, but because it just didn’t feel like a space to do the typical sightseeing BS.

I lived in Boston for a year and half. I know how that city feels when I step out into it. It’s always a bittersweet joy, a city I genuinely loved that just completely kicked my ass. Going back is like hooking up with an ex-love from a long time ago. Exciting, yes, but because you’re choosing to remember only the good for the moment. You know it’s temporary, but you don’t care. You want to relive that emotion.

I can usually close my eyes and remember the sights and sounds of a city through the excited perspective of a naive 18 year old starting his life. But I couldn’t this time. Between COVID and the protests, it just felt broken. The streets we empty except for police officers readying for the crowds arriving that evening. A few nights prior we had watched the local news as windows were smashed, a cop car was set on fire… we literally watched a group of people get hit by a car on live television. Stores were mostly closed and boarded up. Faneuil Hall was a ghost town.

I’m happy we got there, but like I said… we didn’t really feel like taking pictures. We did see an unreasonable number of adorable puppies around town, so that helped.

The last part of our trip was out to Provincetown, a place I never got a chance to visit when I lived in Boston.

And that brings us up to the present. We moved to northern NH yesterday, and an overcast rainy day has led to laundry, food shopping, and finally updating the blog.

Over the next few weeks we’ll heading out back west, and honestly, I’m very excited to get moving again. I’ve been in New Hampshire since May 5th, so I’m more than ready. As ridiculous as it is to say you’re going stir crazy while driving around the country in an RV, it’s all relative I guess. The posts should come more frequently as well, so stay tuned…

Yes, this topic is getting its very own post.

On Friday I moved from the woods of central New Hampshire down to that little part that touches the ocean. As such, yesterday I drove up the coast into Maine to get some lobster roll. The only real criteria I had was that I wanted a legit place on the water, and it only had to be the best roll in the entire Northeast. That’s all. After some Googling, I picked a place called Fox’s Lobster House that is pretty close to the Maine / New Hampsire border and headed out.

I ended up along Route 1A through York, ME, which runs right along the coast with shops and restaurants (in normal times), along with some nice views of the ocean.

Past that, you turn into a residential neighborhood with super tight roads and an endless number of people walking / biking on the shoulder. Much fun in a giant F-250 pickup truck. After some white knuckle curves and hail marys for those pedestrians around me, I turned onto the road for the restaurant AND… complete chaos.

If I could pick my worst nightmare during this pandemic, this scene would cover it. First off, it was a free-for-all on what few parking spots they had. To be honest, that’s a worst nightmare global pandemic or no global pandemic. That’s a “fuck this, we’ll walk” situation for sure. Just ask Jenny. However, there was also a crowd of people all on top of each other, clamoring for their seafood. Just all sorts of breathing and existing near each other. I’m sure I hope it was less a clusterf**k than it looked from down the block, but I wouldn’t make that bet.

So as the risk-reward ratio on the situation immediately evaporated, I pulled a u-turn before the point of no return, recalculated, and decided to drive another hour north. I ended up just south of Portland, ME at a place called The Lobster Shack at Two Lights on Cape Elizabeth…

…where there were FAR fewer people, way more parking spots, and the end goal.

A lobster roll with giant ass chunks of lobster (and ONLY LOBSTER… more on that later), mayo, amazingly toasted bread, whatever that red s**t is… it was absolutely awesome. F**king delicious. And I was still like… “meh, could have been better.” I had built up this “I’m going to get REAL lobster roll from a REAL Maine place on the REAL Atlantic Ocean and it’s going to be MINDBLOWING” thing so much I was ultimately left a little hollow.

Until this evening…

This morning was one of those mornings where despite any plans you had for the day the night before, you open your eyes and just go, “yeah, f**k that.” So I stuck around the camper, cleaned a little, and sat outside in the sunshine. When dinnertime rolled around, I decided to get another lobster roll from the closest place I could find. It’s only a few minutes down the road, and I was even able to grab some beer on the way.

Picked it up, came back, opened the container and…

Wait… what? That doesn’t look the same at all.

Take a bite… THERE’S IMITATION CRAB IN THERE. You know that gross fake stringy thing it does? Every bite there’s a bunch of it hanging out of my mouth. Tiny little chunks of lobster and IMITATION CRAB, the grossest s**t on the planet. You can even kinda see it the picture for f**k’s sake. They say it’s 1/3 pound of lobster… I’d say about 1/5 that mixed with IMITATION CRAB.

I eventually realized there was an awesome lesson to take away from this. A lot of psychologists argue that having too many choices ultimately makes us unhappy. It’s called “The Paradox of Choice” and my interpretation is that the more choices you have, not only will you agonize that much more over which to select, but you’ll have that much more to regret you made the wrong choice and are missing out on something better.

You set out to get the best lobster roll when there are 1,504 different places you can get one. No matter where you go, you’ll think “oh, damn the other place would have been better.” And that’s what I just did. It didn’t matter how good that lobster roll was, I was always going to think I made the wrong decision. I forgot that I’m in this amazing situation and the fact I could get in the car and even attempt this is already a blessing.

I have as much freedom and choices as I can ever recall. And that’s saying quite a lot, I’ve had a decently charmed life. I’m traveling the country in an RV with the love of my life and best friend, I can go almost anywhere I choose (during a f**king pandemic no less) and I’m down on myself because my lobster roll wasn’t as good as I thought it should be? AM I F**KING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW??!?

I’ve gone through the same process when campsites I was super excited about staying at canceled on us due to the virus. I’d get all pissed off and aggravated having to find a different site that “definitely isn’t going to be as good.” Eventually I just have to laugh at my complete ridiculousness.

I’ll do my best to keep things in perspective from now on. Appreciate things for what they are and find the good in all the moments we meet in this adventure.

Except IMITATION CRAB… f**k that s**t.

TL;DR: I got scammed out of $20 for a shitty “lobster roll” and I appreciate everything I have in my life that much more now.

So it’s been a minute. Let’s recap:

April 19th – 20th: Tucumcari, NM
Left our site in AZ morning of Sunday April 19th and started our journey east. First stop was this middle of nowhere town in New Mexico. We found a burger place called Blake’s Lotaburger in town who had a website where you could place an order online. Place the order, wait 20 minutes or so, go pick up your food. Pretty standard these days, no?

I walked in, and when I said I was picking up an order they looked at me like I had asked for chicken lo mein or something.

“WHAT?!?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!”

I repeated that I was picking up an online order, and they go, “OH! That was you?!?! We didn’t even know we had an online system, so your order just popped up on our screen and we had no idea where it came from so we didn’t make it.”

So if anyone ever wonders aloud to you, I WONDER who the first person to ever place an online order with Blake’s Lotaburger in Tucumcari, NM was… it was this f**king guy right here.

Also, if you’re wondering if “Blake’s Lotaburger” is anything like “Whataburger”… we had Whataburger in El Paso, and if I closed my eyes and took a bite I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the two. I’m sure huge Whataburger fans would tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about, but that’s the truth. Deal with it.

April 21st – April 22nd: Wellington, KS
Highlight of this stop was a great burger and milk shake at a place called Penny’s Diner which is this retro 50’s type of place that would have been awesome to eat at had times been normal. We also went to Walmart for supplies. That about covers it.

April 23rd – April 24th: Eureka, MO
Just outside of St. Louis, replaced the burger and milkshake with barbecue and local beer. I had been to a place called Sugarfire Smokehouse on a few business trips to St. Louis, and they did not disappoint this time either. The beer was called Pseudo Sue Ale and apparently supports the Field Museum in Chicago, which got Jenny super excited. Another Walmart stop, too. We got needs, man.

This is also the point we realized we were entering the more serious part of the country in regards to the virus. As previously stated, we pay for gas at the pump, and campsites are doing check-ins over the phone / through a pane of glass, so our interactions with the world are minimal. The aforementioned Walmarts and food joints, which we’d be doing even if we were back in Colorado.

That being said, we have a unique perspective on what the different parts of the country are doing, and the difference is pretty crazy. In Arizona and New Mexico, you probably saw a few people with masks on, but most people just stayed the f**k away from everyone else. Which I guess is pretty easy when there’s a ton of space everywhere and not many cases. Then we got to St. Louis area and beyond and EVERYONE was wearing masks. Having spent the past month in AZ, it was jarring. We went from feeling kinda silly wearing them to thankful as hell we had them.

Also thankful we were moving from a minimally impacted area to one just starting to crawl out of a virtual lockdown. I’m not sure how comfortable I would have been doing it had it been the other direction.

April 25th: Huntington, WV
Quick overnight on our last push to NY. Originally we were going to pull a Cracker Barrel / Walmart parking lot stay, but I decided last minute “f**k that we can drop $40 for a real campsite.” Money well spent, I think. I’m not sure what a Cracker Barrel parking lot looks like at 3am in bumblef**k West Virginia, but I’m pretty sure I’m perfectly fine never knowing.

April 26th – May 1st: Watkins Glen, NY
We pulled in late night of the 26th after like nine hours of driving in pouring rain and 40 degree weather. It was also a back-in site, but instead of dealing with it properly, I decided to turn into the spot in front of ours, get an angle, and then go straight back into the site. Even with that help, it still took us about 30 minutes to get in and hooked up. But whatever, it’s pitch black, cold, and raining… we’re level and able to sleep comfortably for the night.

Then came the morning. And sunlight. And, oh my goodness.

First off, there’s literally no one else at the campground. I mean, at all. We took a walk around and there was one little 20-footer travel trailer that looked like a guy that worked there. That was it. We had the whole site to ourselves. And it was NOT a small site.

Secondly, we DESTROYED the grass around the site in front of us. With the truck’s 4WD and power steering that soaking wet muddy grass didn’t stand a chance. You might say, “But the grass is outside and around the actual site, I thought you pulled into the site in front of you. Why were you driving on the grass?”

Turns out we pulled in 45 degrees off plane from the actual campsite, and the truck was about halfway in the road. I made a very professional diagram to illustrate our morning positions:

Considering we were the only guests, you’d figure they’d come over and be like “Um.. could you… not… be like that?” But we took it on ourselves to fix it, and used the opportunity to practice backing into the spot. We’ve settled on Jenny driving and me directing her. I’ve yelled at her a few too many times for not, you know, reading my mind and completely anticipating my poorly communicated needs… so she’s more comfortable doing it this way. STILL a work in progress and we’ve been doing this for two months now.

Also, we had our first visitor! Jenny’s buddy from college, Joey, came by for a socially distanced campfire.

May 1st – May 5th: Oneonta, NY
Now, the site we stayed at in Watkins Glen is a big family adventure, summer vacation type of resort. It has mini golf, a zip line, all sorts of s**t. None of which we needed. Or could even partake in if we wanted to. However, the nightly rate still reflected these activities, and so I booked a second cheaper site a little further down the road to balance that out.

Up until this point we had not been to a site where people legit lived. All the time. Camper up on blocks, lattices around the “porch,” the whole nine yards. This was that site. And these were not retirees or “I’m originally from the city, I just love the country!” people. These were LOCALS. Locals from the woods of upstate New York. (FYI Everything past Bronx is upstate New York.)

Fine, I’ll say it. F**king rednecks. Ridiculously glorious rednecks. Zero percent social distancing being followed. God bless you guys.

So it was an interesting vibe to say the least. Jenny’s sister came and stayed a couple nights. They went out to visit another one of her friends from college who lives in the area, and then just straight up left me to go back to Long Island. Complete abandonment. But hey, I got to see my old Jeep!

Jenny will be back on Long Island until her nephew shows up. Then she’ll be sticking around to help her sister with her two dogs, get a bazillion pictures and videos, and then coming back to her RV life. That kid better be cute as f**k, or this was just a massive waste of time.

Also, I finally bought a big boy grill. I had bought a $25 grill from Walmart back in Arizona just to get over. It worked okay once, then literally burned alive the second time. The grease caught fire and I walked out of the camper to flip the steaks and was met with a pillar of fire and smoke. The steaks were charred on the outside and completely raw on the inside. Also, the beer was flat from rocking around in the camper from that day’s travel. Just an all out disaster that I hope to avoid with this bad boy.

May 5th – Present: Ossipee, NH
So I finally left New York, alone with the cats, and drove out here to New Hampshire. The original plan was supposed to be Cape Cod, but Massachusetts is still dragging on in their pandemic curve and dealing with their s**t. When I got here I was planning on getting down there on the 22nd, but just this morning the Cape Cod site called and basically cancelled altogether. Then five minutes later, the site we had booked in Maine cancelled too.

So at this point, I just live in New Hampshire until further notice. Not that I’m complaining. Besides the polar vortex coming on Saturday and Jenny not being with me, things are good.

Today I hiked up to Champney Falls. The trail consists of crossing over a bunch of streams (or possibly the same stream multiple times) by hopping across rocks in the stream. I set the goal for the day to not get my feet wet, but by the second stream I had rolled off two rocks and both off my feet were absolutely soaked. Luckily the only failure of the day.

Grilled steak and eggs for dinner, drinking Pig’s Ear Brown Ale by Woodstock Inn Brewery, listening to classic rock, and finally getting this update done. Thankful we’ve been able to pull off some adventure while keeping ourselves and others safe. Still rolling with the punches and trying to keep making good decisions. Hope everyone out there is doing the same, staying safe and healthy.

And happy. You don’t hear that one as much. Hope you’re all happy, too.

As our days wind down here in Arizona, I realized I hadn’t a) really watched a sunset, b) really seen the stars, and c) really watched a sunrise. C is an issue for us, as the sun has a tendency to rise about 8 hours before Jenny and I even get out of bed. However, A and B seemed well in the realm of possiblity, so we took the opportunity yesterday to make it happen.

We headed out to Airport Loop Trail, which is nothing impressive in and of itself. It’s south of the main road through Sedona, and it’s a rocky trail that loops around the airport. However, it’s apparently a vortex and gives you some amazing views of the Sedona area. We hiked around to the western slope and timed it so we got there a little before sunset.

We hiked off the main trail to a cliff that overlooked… well, everything.

So many looking off into the distance pensive shots! And I must say, I am not that great of a photographer, but my iPhone 11 sure as hell is. Taking backlit shots into the sun is my new favorite hobby.

We were prepared with flashlights and hiked back to the car in the pitch black. We also actually started hearing coyotes off in the distance, so hopefully we didn’t almost die. (When I tell this story later it’ll probably involve me and Jenny fighting off a pack of coyotes with our bare hands.)

After that we grabbed a pizza and beer at a place called “Picazzo’s” which I think is the perfect level and type of stupid, but Jenny, being the art history expert she is, understandbly hates it. Pizza was amazing either way.

We pulled off Route 89A into a dispersed camping site called “Coffee Creek” in the middle of f**king nowhere and ate pizza and drank some beers under more stars than I’ve seen in a long time. BLACKER THAN THE BLACKEST BLACK TIMES INFINITY. Obviously no pictures, although I wouldn’t be surprised if the iPhone somehow pulled it off.

Last Arizona post (probably)! We leave Sunday morning pointed east. Stay tuned.

Happy Easter all!

It’s been a week since the last post as we’ve been laying low a bit more as we decide our next move. However, some highlights:

Prescott, AZ

First off, we learned it’s pronounced PRESS-kit. We heard a local newsperson say it when we first got here and thought they were just being stupid. Then we heard it again and realized that’s just how they do it here. It’s like Arvada, CO is Ar-VAH-duh… not Ar-VAW-duh. Think soft “A” not soft “O.” Arv-ă-da, not Arv-ŏ-da. Seriously, I’m having a hard time making sure I’m explaining this right. Ask someone from Denver, they can explain it.

But yeah, it’s PRESS-kit. Why? No clue. Because they say so I guess.

We went out to Willow Lake Park which has an awesome path around the lake.

We entered on the north side of the lake headed counter-clockwise, and somewhere near the southwestern side of the lake there’s a pile of rocks you can climb up and overlook everything you just walked. (And get dramatic, pensive shot — YAY DRAMATIC PENSIVE SHOT!)

It went a little downhill from there though. (Literally, I guess?) There’s a path that goes all the way around the lake, hiking through some more rocks and getting back to the truck. And I decided I very much wanted to climb more rocks. But unbeknownst to us (because we didn’t pay attention to the map) the very important section of the trail that gets you to the other side of the lake is only there when the water is lower. And it was not low. It was high. So we got to that part and the path just kinda went into the lake.

Instead of just turning around, I decided there must be another way around. Long story short… there was not. We ended up walking down a road, crossing a highway, trespassing through an RV park, and starting down a trail that took us to a completely different lake. WE WALKED TO THE WRONG LAKE.

To reiterate, there was no way to get around the lake. (The first one, I don’t know anything about the second one.) And now it’s two hours later and we have to walk all the way back. Through the RV park, back over the highway, down the road, and all the way back to the truck. What we planned to be an easy mile hike turned into an all day event. After that we got a bunch of booze and some sandwiches for dinner and called it a day.

Route 66

Yesterday we decided to just hop in the truck and take a drive. Back when Jenny and I had first started dating and were living in New York, we took a random drive to Cleveland, OH to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The destination wasn’t even really the main goal, as all along the route through Pennsylvania and Ohio we stopped at just the most ridiculous things we could find.

You get the point.

Being as most of the really cool stuff is closed up (Grand Canyon, Petrified Forest, anything worth hiking in Sedona, meteor craters, etc) we decided to just take a drive down “Route 66” (aka highway 40) and see what we see.

We drove out to Holbrook, AZ first. There’s a dinosaur museum…

… a wigam motel (strangely enough called Wigwam Motel) where you literally sleep in a wigwam with a classic car parked out front…

…one of them being Sir Tow Mater.

Next we stopped at the only place that seemed open for some Mexican food. We’re pretty sure it is a family establishment considering the entire family was in the establishment. Seriously, the entire dining area was cleared and four generations of this family were sitting around watching Power Rangers The Movie. I guess there’s not much else to do on a Saturday afternoon in bublef**k Arizona in the middle of a pandemic.

Also, as we were sitting eating our very delicious burritos we see this guy show up. At first we a little confused / disturbed, but then we saw the previously mentioned children run out of the restaurant to wave and say hi. It looked like it was the first moment of happiness these kids have had in quite a bit. Bravo guys, spreading some goodness.

We hit the road headed back towards Flagstaff, and eventually stopped at the Jack Rabbit Trading Post. Now, I’m sure Jenny explained to me at least twice what this place was, but these days it’s a just place you can buy alcohol that has a big rabbit out front you can mount like a racehorse. And just in case you happen to forget where it is…

Moving further west, we stopped at Winslow, AZ, and I swear nobody would give a crap about this town if Jackson Browne* hadn’t decided that “Arizona” and “corner” rhymed enough to put in a song. But I guess this town has nothing else better to do that erect monuments to it and name a corner of the town “Standin’ on the Corner Park.”

*Yes, I know, it is an Eagles song. Jackson Browne had started it and wrote THAT line, but was unable to finish it. Glenn Frey came over and wrote the rest of the verse. Browne liked it and they wrote the song together. Thanks Wikipedia.

I wish I had the words to express to you how this is absolutely just a random small town street corner that had one line in a decent song back in 1972, and they’ve spent 50 years bragging about it. But hey, we came out to see it so… f**k us, right?

Next stop was a place called Two Guns, AZ. This is an abandoned “ghost” town that has a crazy history from everything Jenny told me. There’s an old gas station, shop, remnants of a friggin zoo, an “Apache Death Cave” (that we unfortunately did not find), and an old RV campground that you can apparently still stay at. Tons of graffiti and tons of old broken down buildings. Totally weird and totally cool.

After that we headed into Flagstaff to grab some dinner and went home.

---

At this exact moment Jenny is making cupcakes for the first time. Also for the first time, she’s realizing making cupcakes is a pain in the ass. Check out the Instagram as I’m sure we’ll have some pictures up of her resounding success. Who needs granulated sugar* anyway?!?!

*We forgot to get granulated sugar. We bought ingredients for cupcakes, and forgot the sugar. SUGAR. Thankfully we had molasses and the mathematical formula to substitute it. We’re never laughing at people on Nailed It ever again.

We’re leaving Arizona end of next weekend and starting our trek east. It’s crazy to say we’re moving around this much at this moment in time, but doing the math the risk is pretty low. If we play this right, we could get across the country and not interact with a single person. We’ll pay for the gas at the pump (wearing gloves and immediately disinfecting). And almost all RV parks are doing check-ins over the phone now. We’ll pack lunch from food in the camper so we don’t have to go into any fast food places. Outside of that, it’s just Jenny, me, the cats, and the open road.

Speaking of the cats, we don’t know exactly what date they were born but we were told sometime in April. So… happy 8th birthday boys. You’re annoying as ever, but we love you.

Stay safe everyone!

Hey guys. Just got done watching the first night of Wrestlemania 36 and… um… well, these are strange times. For anyone who doesn’t watch wrestling, they performed it in their practice facility with no audience. So everyone comes out hamming it up for the crowd… that doesn’t exist. Then while they’re wrestling there’s absolutely no crowd reaction. And you hear everything the wrestlers are saying. It was also all pre-recorded. Now I don’t watch wrestling much throughout the year, I just use Wrestlemania as my yearly homage to my childhood, but even for me it was weird as hell.

The headline match was Undertaker vs AJ Styles in a “Boneyard Match.”

But Chris, what’s a “Boneyard Match?” Glad you asked!

So we’re all in agreement that every Undertaker match needs to be filmed like this from now on, right? #BoneyardMatch #WrestleMania

— Ryan Satin (@ryansatin) April 5, 2020

They had the match in a graveyard. That’s all. But on a night of pre-recorded matches, they Hollywood’ed the f**k out of it, and it was basically the big final showdown between the good and bad guy at the end of the movie. And it totally worked and was awesome (after much calculation on what I had just watched). Listen.. Undertaker has ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS getting in a ring anymore. And I don’t mean that’s he’s not a great character, or hasn’t earned the right to work as long as he f**king wants to. I mean that the man can barely walk, nonetheless be throwing 300 pound men around. But I think it worked having him perform on a Hollywood stage. It got all the good GREAT stuff he’s still got left, and allowed us to ignore all the bad. And if you’re interested in other opinions, take a look at #boneyardmatch on Twitter. Plenty of opinions, mostly positive. Even better, find a way to watch it. It’s an event.

And while I’m at it… God bless the WWE at this exact moment. They could have easily canceled it, postponed it, whatever. But they gave us an outlet on a Saturday evening sitting in our homes with nothing much else to do. They gave us the glorious ridiculousness and stupidity of professional wrestling, and with everything going on I think this country will take it. Thanks guys.

In other news, we’re still chilling in the Sedona, AZ area of the world. We’re still deciding what the hell we’re going to do, but we’re leaning heavily towards a drive back east when our reservation here is up. If our original plan was in action, we’d be on our way to Memphis at this exact moment. Specifically, we’d be parked somewhere around Amarillo, TX to spend the night.

As for now, our plan is to get to Cape Cod by early May, hopefully as they’re coming down the other side of this roller coaster ride. We’ll be hanging out there until Jenny gets the smoke signal that a nephew is on his way, at which point she’ll be hopping in a rental car and heading straight down to Long Island (which is also hopefully going through the other side of this mess as well.) After that, the hope is we can hop back on the original itinerary as we would have started on Cape Cod beginning in June.

::fingers crossed::

In the meantime we’re keeping ourselves busy. As I was sitting around drinking beer and watching grown ass adults throw themselves around a wrestling ring, Jenny made us pasta from scratch. Seriously, SCRATCH. Like, rolling egg yolks into flour. Who does that?!?

Needless to say, it was delicious. Soon she’ll be baking cupcakes… and I will weigh 250 pounds by the end of this. #notcomplaining

Also in the news, we made a trip up to Flagstaff. Made a nice easy hike up to the top of Slate Mountain, which kinda just gives you the same awesome view the whole way up, so not more than a few photos necessary. Then we went to Lumberyard Brewery where we picked up some food and beer, I had the best burger I’ve had so far on this trip, and drank my hefe walking around Buffalo Park. Jenny ran here 12 years ago with her college team, and we had the fun thought experiment of telling her the context of how and when she’d be back for her second visit…

“You’ll be back here with a boyfriend of 10 years, but you won’t be married or have kids… like not even close. You’ll also be driving around the country in an RV and not working at all… OH, and you’ll be in the middle of a global virus pandemic that has killed over 64,000 people.”

(When I showed her this before posting – so I don’t get in trouble – her response: “well, I’d definitely believe the not being married or having kids.”)

So that’s it, I guess. There’s a song I had been promising Jenny I’d learn to sing with her for karaoke for about 8 years now, and I never did. Since karaoke is no longer a thing (awwwwww, remember places?!?!) we may just record our own music video, obviously extremely drunk because why the f**k not be extremely drunk with everything going on. So keep an eye out for that I suppose.

To finish this out, please enjoy a video of George being a f**king idiot, a selfie on TOP OF A MOUNTAIN, and Buffalo Park.

(Also, Rick and Morty marathon Monday night on Adult Swim. You’re welcome.)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-kg9q1lLDZ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link