As we slowly move our way back west, we are finally reaching those parts of the country where you look around and say, “Damn, there is f**k all out here, isn’t there?” Then Jenny nods in agreement, falls back asleep in the passenger seat, and I sing along to Rush as we drive along.
…oooooooOOOOOOOF SALESMEN!!!
-Me, very loudly in my truck
The only one I like more is AC/DC…
…neckties… contracts… HIGH VOLTAGE!!!
Me, even louder and higher pitched
But I digress…
We left our campsite in northern Michigan and drove through the Upper Peninsula out to our site in northwest Wisconsin. I’m an Excel fanatic, and I love me some spreadsheets. In planning this whole trip, I have an extremely elaborate one that tells me any possible information I could need handy for every and any part of this trip.
The most important part are the little columns that indicate electricity, water, and sewer. I can look ahead and make sure we’re prepared. I also mark if it’s a pull-through or a back-in. If it’s a back-in I have to prepare Jenny for the inevitable argument that will ensue. (Yes, we’re still terrible at backing up the trailer.)
We pulled into the site at Totogatic Park in Minong, WI, and very quickly realized I had screwed up pretty good. First we were looking at the wrong site, which was about half the size of the camper and had no hookups. After a minor coronary we realized we were actually the next site over. Then we realized the correct site still only had electricity. No water and no sewer.
Now, I dump and rinse out the black tank (where our peepee and poopoo goes) right before leaving. I also give it another rinse when we set up at a site because a) we take number 1’s in there while we’re on the road, and b) for some reason there’s always left over… stuff… and it’s like it gets loosened up on the drive. Probably more info than you needed… point is, I use water to keep the black tank clean.
So no water for that. But the bigger issue was that I didn’t fill the fresh water tank because the spreadsheet told me it was electricity and water. So after a few minutes of me saying a lot of words that start with “F” we decided to just set up camp and figure it out.
Funny part is, had we stopped right at that moment and just taken a moment to calculate properly we could have driven the camper about 100 yards over to a potable water station, filled the fresh tank and been perfectly okay. But we didn’t do that. We figuratively crawled under the blankets into a fetal position and told ourselves everything would be okay… sucking our thumb… and… I dunno, whatever else you want to add to the metaphor to say… we basically threw our hands up and gave up.
So we spent a couple of days walking over to the water and filling water bottles for basic necessities. We experienced campground showers for the first time, and whether or not they were a good representation of most campground showers… they were surprisingly pleasant. Nice and big, water was super hot… 25 cents for 3 minutes, WHAT A DEAL!!!
We also tried to use the restrooms for our numbers 2’s. And… well… yeah, not as enjoyable.
It was like we were actually camping or something. And you know what, it was a fun break. Up until this point has been mostly KOA’s with cable and wifi and full hookups and croissants when you show up. (CITATION NEEDED) So some relative “roughing it” was fun. Also our site was ass end up against a lake, so the views were pretty great.
By some chance of fate my dad was up in Wisconsin the same time we were there, so we were able to meet up and grab some food. Jenny and I were in middle of nowhere WI and he was down in Madison, so we met in Eau Claire… which if you haven’t been to is AMAZING… ly ordinary. Nothing against it, a perfectly acceptable midwest town full of hardworking Americans I’m sure. Just one of those towns you pull into, ask what there is to do, and a local will point at like one building. “That f**king place. Right there. That’s it.”
We planned to have some dinner at a fancy restaurant that, honestly, scared the crap out of me and Jenny.
“Eating? INDOORS? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?!?!?”
But we accepted the risk… got our masks prepped… drove the two hours down… and it was closed. So we did the next best thing… and went to Culver’s. Jenny and I had never been to one. We ended up being able sit outside on their patio pretty much by ourselves, eating great burgers, cheese curds, and custards, and talking about this crazy world we live in. Awesome evening.
The next day we decided to lay low and enjoy our camping experience a little bit. We remembered we had a chess board that Jenny brought back from New York, so I taught her how to play sitting out at the picnic table drinking our coffees.
Who won? Nobody. As we were playing, a storm passed through and we had to pick up and move inside. As I was carrying the chess board in…
(No, not what the obvious thing would be at this exact moment. I carried it all the way to the trailer without pieces flying everywhere, thank you very much.)
…I looked down and realized I was in check. Which, okay, not great for me obviously. The bigger problem, though, was realizing that the pieces involved meant I had been in check for like 5 or 6 moves and neither of us realized it. When we got back into the camper, we tried to reverse engineer it but it was DOA. We shook hands like gentlemen and proceeded to start day drinking. Like gentlemen.
Later that night we built only our second campfire of the season after we decided to cheat and use firestarter bricks to finally have a reasonable chance of keeping the fire going. Grilled some hot dogs and hamburgers and most importantly… drank local beer and S’mores! Oh, and shots of vodka… because… ::shrugs:: why the f**k not?
When we were back in western NY, we watched as our buddy Sarah put together a S’more, wrap it in tinfoil, and proceed to bake it around the fire like a baked potato. We obviously went, “huh?” at which point she explained how traditional methods do not allow for melted chocolate and toasty warm graham cracker. This way lets you achieve that so long as you a) don’t burn it and b) break the graham crackers removing it from the aluminum foil. At which point I felt bad for making fun of it, and even more bad for not immediately seeing the logic of it.
So we compared methods and… yeah, obviously, melted chocolate and toasty graham cracker S’mores for the win. Damn you and your lawyer logic!
Woke up about 5:30am the next morning to pack up and move to the next site. I hadn’t figured out our orientation in the world until I rolled up the window shade and realized the sunrise was out over the lake. I’ve gone from no sunrises to two now #crushingit
Our next spot was in Bismarck, ND. We’ve both never been there before, so we weren’t sure what to expect. We crossed over the state line from Minnesota and stopped in Fargo for some food and gas. After filling up, we were deciding between McDonald’s and Subway. We were a little hungover from the day before (see above) so a greasy shitty horrible-for-you Big Mac sounded amazing. Jenny knows what I order at McDonald’s so she would have been able to go in and take care of it while I stuck with the rig.
HOWEVER, McDonald’s looked like it was drive-thru only so she may need to go over to Subway since we were clearly not trying to go through a McDonald’s drive-thru with a 30′ trailer, truck stop or no truck stop. And I wasn’t going to try and have Jenny memorize all the moves for my Subway sandwich, so I told her see if McDonalds was open for take out, and if not, call me and I’ll head into Subway with you.
Now mind you, we’ve been in North Dakota for a grand total of about 15 minutes. McDonald’s is a no-go, so Jenny finds a spot out of the way to call me to let me know to come in. Some… ughhhh… watching my words… some… piece of s**t who just has to… just HAS TO… at a truck stop gas station… F**KING HAS TO say something about it, walks by Jenny as she’s got the mask hanging off her face as she’s on the phone and goes, “so you have to wear your mask to make a phone call, huh?” Jenny, to her credit, just went, “yeah” and that was it.
Listen f**ker… we’re wearing these to protect your bumblef**k asses more than our own. Just let us walk around looking silly, it zero f**king percent affects your life in any way at all. And if it’s not zero, it’s only positive. Like we’re walking through Fargo, ND deciding to make a political statement and trying to shame everyone. I should start wearing a MAGA face mask and just watch that guy’s head explode.
So yeah… our fantastic welcome to North Dakota.
Anyways…
We’re at Fort Abraham Lincoln State Park just for a day on the way to Black Hills National Forest tomorrow. There’s a reconstructed military fort that Custer commanded back in the 1870’s until they left to go fight in the Battle of the Little Bighorn where… yeah, didn’t go too well. There’s also a replica Mandan tribe village with earth lodges and a bunch of history on their time in the area. Pretty neat.
So we’re staying in our nice air conditioned camper for the rest of the evening. Dinner will consist of Jenny’s homemade spiced plum custard cake and red wine. We had S’mores and beer for dinner back in Wisconsin, so we feel this is just that next logical evolution forward.
This weekend will be our first time full out boondocking (no electricity, water, or sewer) so we’re clearly interested to see how we fare. Then we’re onto Wyoming where hopefully we still like each other. Wish us luck.
